As a member of the royal family, your life was filled with toxic & evil people. You managed to escape, only for your family to send someone to get drag you back. The “Hero” is hot on your tail, and probably believes some sob story your sister, the princess made up.
“HALT!”, said the voice from behind me.
I stopped and waited. I’d been expecting this moment since I fled. A chill breeze blew inside the collar of my cloak, and even with the tension and risk of something uncomfortably fast and spiky, I nearly reached to pull my hood up.
“Turn and face me, you foul beast. You will release this sweet girl to my care, or so help me I will bind your soul to hell for all eternity.” I laughed despite myself.
“You mock me, beast?”
I turned around slowly with my hands up. “Yeah, I guess I mock you, but who are you calling beast? Its been a hard couple of days on the road, but that’s a bit harsh!”
The knight facing me was almost as young as I was. He must be the son of someone rich. There was no way he had fought his way into the Kingsguard. He looked uncomfortable in his armor. He did not however look uncomfortable holding a sword point towards me, so I stopped short of saying anything about his appearance.
“I am addressing you! Dravesh! The Stealer of Souls! You will release this poor gi—”
“Dravesh? The Stealer of the what now? What are you blathering about?”, I asked. Then realization dawned. “Oh. Did my sister tell you that? That was why I’d run away? Because I was possessed? Gods teeth, Ser ‘Whatever your name isn’t’. Did you believe that? By the way, very rude not to introduce yourself to a lady.”
“You are not a lady!”, he replied. “And its Ser Germain”. He paused and then added under his breath: “junior”.
That made a lot of sense. Ser Germain Senior was one of my fathers most insipid advisors. I had a strong suspicion he was angling for my sister's hand in marriage. A good match, they were both as crazy as each other, but a terrifying thought for any kingdom they ended up ruling.
“I am a lady. I am Princess Jamile, as you can patently see, even through the visor of that oversized helm you inherited.”
“She said you would say that.”
“Did she? What about the helmet? Cos I thought that was quite good. It’s not a good look if that bozo in a ballgown is one-upping me”.
“No”. He looked confused. This wasn’t going how he had fantasized. “The other thing. About being the Princess.”
I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently. “Well, that is predictable, given that I am me. She say anything else?”
“She said you would not come willingly.”
“So why did you ask me to come willingly? Seems like a pretty stupid move that. Wouldn’t an ambush have been a better plan under the circumstances? Save all the grandstanding and just put me in a bag or something?”
The sword point lowered, and I took the chance to pull my hood up against the strengthening breeze.
“She said…..”, he tailed off as he thought back to the briefing he’d had in the palace.
“Not the most level headed of people, my sister”, I said. “Let me guess. When she had you into her chamber to brief you, she was naked or nearly naked?”
Ser Germain Jr blushed so redly I could see the glow through his visor.
“Um….. Well, she…. That is to say—”
“Sure. And covered in something weird, like blood or animal parts?”
“She had a weasel genital necklace, but she said she was—”
“Divining?”, I finished. “Let me clue you in Junior. She wasn’t divining shit. She is just a batshit evil witch who seems to like torturing animals and manipulating young idiotic men. Its basically just different ways of using penises. She’s creative in that regard, I’ll give her that. Do I seem like a Demon?”
“You’ve said penis and cursed more than any Princess I’ve met.”
“Yes, but you’ve only met me, and my crazy sister, so that’s not much of a piece of evidence. I swear all the fucking time when talking to idiots. It’s the only way to make myself understood. Now did my sister say I would say that?”
The suit of armor shook its helmet sadly. I decided to take a chance.
“Look. It is me. I think you know that. I hope you are not an idiot. I’m trying to get the fuck out of here cos my family are insane and evil and I’m quite frankly a bit scared one day they might roast me and eat me or something, just to see how I taste.”
I turned away from him. “I have a feeling you might know how that feels, given what I know about your Dad and the people around him. I would like you to let me go.”
I took a deep breath. I could hear no clanking movement behind me.
“Unless”, I said. “You want to come with me?”
