The Djinn put his cards on the table with a grin as wide as the Sahara. His eyes burned with satisfaction. Oriax gulped. The filthy lamp dweller had him. His only hope was the angel. If the angel had the totem card in his hand then the pot could be split and he wouldn’t have to explain how he lost his fork in a black market gambling den.
The Angel reached out and put their hand on their halo, sat in the middle with the huge pile of gems and coins, alongside the Djinns lamp and his own precious fork. Oriax sighed with relief.
“Goodbye, old friend”, said the Angel and turned over their cards. They were even worse than Oriax’s own losing hand.
“What? You bet your halo on that bag of crap hand?” Oriax said “The fuck is the matter with you? Do you understand the game at all?”
The Angel regarded Oriax calmly. “No less well than you, it would seem.”
Oriax was half out of his seat before he remembered where he was. Even a Marquis of Hell knew better than to start anything in this particular venue. The door staff here were not known as bouncers. They liked to throw beings hard enough that it was more of a squelch, or at least a crack. No-one called them squelchers either though. At least not more than once. He sat back down quickly before one of the huge hands appeared on his shoulder, and took a gulp of his wine.
“Fuck you”, he said sulkily.
The Djinn laughed at their misfortune and scooped the huge pot towards himself. “So much loot!” he said. “I’m not sure I’ll even be able to fit it in my lamp!”
“Maybe you can sublet some space from Ali Baba” muttered Oriax.
The smile faltered on the Djinns face. “That’s actually a very damaging stereotype for my people. We do not associate with thieves or evil Viziers commonly.”
Oriax shrugged.
“I’m sorry for any offence he caused”, said the Angel.
“Don’t apologise for me, you glowing berk,” said Oriax. “The guy took us for everything we have. He can handle a bit of offence. Maybe he can buy himself some thicker skin with some of his winnings, I don’t know.”
The Djinn laughed again. “Ha! Very good. I wish you were as funny as you think you are! Geddit? I wish? It’s a wish joke.”
“Very funny,” said the Angel with either genuine appreciation or an incredible aptitude for pandering. Oriax wasn’t sure what option he despised more.
“Thank you,” said the Djinn. “I don’t often get a chance to tell jokes to other sentient beings, but you have time to work on them when you are waiting in the lamp. Most of my kind spend those years working on ways to trick or twist wishes for their amusement. I think comedy is more fun.”
Oriax opened his mouth to disparage the Djinns attempt at humour, but the Angel spoke first.
“Clearly you also spent a lot of time learning to play Pagans and Believers. I’ve never seen anyone clean a table out like that.”
The Djinn smiled happily. “No, no. Just a hobby of mine really. I guess the God of Luck was smiling on me today.”
“Steve? He’s not likely to smile on anyone," Oriax interjected. "Guy’s a miserable old git, just dishing out bad luck all over the place. More likely he just decided to piss on me and the Angel's chips, mate. Listen what are you going to do with a fork and halo? They kind of cancel each other out if you have both.”
The Djinn thought for a second. “I…don’t know. I hadn’t actually thought that far ahead. I just got caught up in the game, and well, here we are.”
“I’m sure you will use them wisely,” said the Angel and stood to leave.
“How about you give us a chance to win them back?”, I asked. “Or at least one of us. So you have a power, unbalanced by its opposite?”
Instead of the laugh and rejection Oriax expected, the Djinn paused. “Interesting,” he said.
The Angels exit ended immediately as this chink of hope appeared, and they sat back down at the table.
“Huh,” Oriax said. “Not so magnanimous in defeat after all.”
“Shut your sulphurous trap, heathen,” said the Angel, their smile dropping for an instant.
“Ooh, temper temper,” Oriax returned. “Anyone would think you were on my side of the fence, cursing like that.”
The Angels aloof smile returned, but Oriax was pretty confident he’d landed one there.
The Djinn clapped his meaty hands together. “Yes. This is a good idea. I like the way you squabble. I would like to see more of it.”
“You want us to ‘squabble’ for our possessions?” Oriax asked. “I was hoping for something a little more….bloody”
“No, I want to create a situation where you will compete in something other than cards. I believe I have a wager, on a task you will be even less able to succeed at than Pagans and Believers, if that is possible!” The Djinn laughed again at his own joke. “The winner gets their most prized possession back, and a 30-minute comedy routine from me!”
Oriax grimaced. Those 30 minutes sounded brutal. “The loser?”
“The loser I will transport directly to the office of their boss, and we will watch them explain how they lost their possessions to a Djinn, in this part of town.”
Oriax gulped again. There was not much he was afraid of. The power of the 30 legions of Hell was a potent confidence booster. But Satan? He did not take bad news very well. Not well at all.
“What’s the task?”, asked the Angel.
“I want you to open a shop together.”
“What?”, said Oriax and the Angel together.
“You are going to open a shop, and you will travel around trying to sell humans the solutions to their problems. One will be tasked with selling them the best things, and one the very worst of items. I’ll get my Djinn buddies to help me define the items based on the person entering your store. The first to 5 sales, wins.”
Oriax nodded thoughtfully. Manipulating humans to their detriment, was kind of his jam actually. He’d walk this. He looked at the Angel. That poor fool. To his surprise, they were also looking confident.
“A worthy wager, noble Djinn”, said the Angel. “A chance to help some souls in direct competition with a hellspawn, and winning back my halo along with it. Praise God.”
The Djinn shook his head. “I’m sure you would enjoy that, as I imagine would our fiery friend here, but that is not the wager. I want you, Angel to be the saboteur of their dreams, and you, demon, to attempt their salvation.”
Oriax and the Angel gaped.
“I am very funny!” said the Djinn. “This will provide much entertainment. Now go! You must prepare for the bet, and I must go and tidy up the lamp. It’s been a long while since I’ve had other Djinns over!” There was a puff of blue smoke and the Djinn, the cash, the fork and the halo vanished. Oriax and the Angel looked at the lamp on the table.
“Shit,” they both said together once more.
