Demons discover how to summon humans and make them do menial tasks as revenge for centuries of toil

“The sulphur swirled sensuously around the supine form of the subject in the summoning circle”, lisped a voice in the smoke.

“Dammit Drovesh, do have to ruin it every time with that bloody narration. There is nothing sensual about sulphur. It stinks and you know it.”

The ‘subject’ cleared its throat. “Um, am I in hell?”

“You are in Hell, puny human. I did not appreciate the lack of capitalisation in your tone of voice there.”

The smog began to clear and a dishevelled looking man in his mid to late twen-fifties looked up at the hulking figures in front of him. “Wow. I really thought that guy in the papers was a crazy guy. Saying he’s been abducted to hell, sorry HELL, a bunch of times. Or maybe he is a loon, people tell me I’m crazy, so maybe we are just the most nuts and same type of crazy.” He laughed sharply.

The slimmer of the two demons punched the other. “Oh, I’m ruining it am I. Who the here is that?”

“I dunno. I just asked for the average guy in the street”, the other said, looking again at some handwritten notes. “I’m pretty sure I did it right.”

“Street under feet. Feet on the street. I am on the street, most of the time”, said the man. “I’m Steve. Not Crazy Steve, or Scary Steve. Just Steve”. Steve stood up and held out his hand with a smile.

“HOW DARE YOU APPROACH US….err Steve. Hang on, are you saying you're homeless?”

Steve nodded thoughtfully. “Well I like to say everywhere is my home. But yeah, that’s what people say. Are you going to kill me?”

“No, I’m not going to kill you. It’s a one-way ticket to heaven getting killed fighting a demon, and its also rather a lot of paperwork for me to be honest.”

“Heaven eh? That sounds like its worth a visit, right up my street so to speak. Can I ask your name, O shiny demon?”

“I am known as Karlixat, destroyer of souls.”

Drovesh snorted. “You can’t destroy shit, Karl. Are you showing off for our friend Steve?”

Steve looked like he was figuring out a difficult maths problem, then brightened. “Karl is it? Well, I hear you are a really terrible torturer, and absolutely useless with brimstone!”

Drovesh fell about, and Karlixat jabbed the human with a long fingernail. Flesh sizzled and Steve screamed.

“I said I won’t kill you, didn’t say anything about hurting you. And contrary to what you apparently heard”, he said, fixing a still laughing Drovesh with a glare, “I’m pretty good at torture. Would you like a try?”

“No, God no. Wait, forget I said that. Hell no? To be honest that hurt quite a lot. What can I do for you then? That’s how the papers said it would go”.

“I wish you to make me …. A SANDWICH! Ham on Rye, low fat Mayo. You want anything Drov?”

Steve looked behind the two demons at the well stocked kitchen. It was much warmer here than Wisconsin. Ever the pragmatist, Steve chanced his arm.

“You lads ever thought about getting a butler?”