My legs didn’t feel tired. That thought kept playing through my mind over and over as I climbed. I wasn’t thirsty or hungry either. Being dead would do that to you. Heaven was a glow in the distance below. The stairs must have been imperceptibly curved round as that light was almost directly beneath me.
I tried to get a handle on time, counting seconds, but I lost track in a matter of hours. I also had no idea how long I was climbing before I even though about time. Dazed, shell shocked from the sudden blare of the horn, and breaking windscreen and headlamps of the out of control driver that led me to the beginning of my climb. I should have stopped when I reached the light. Most of the throng on the stairs did, but without any limit from my body, I just kept plodding. I was reminded of the first time I drove a car with a 6th gear. I got a speeding ticket, as without the engine noise to tell me I was going too fast, I just kept speeding on. Speeding I was not right now, but continuing I was.
Gradually all the other souls that had been too dazed, or too curious to stop at ‘Heaven’ slowed, stopped and headed back down. Until finally I alone in eyeshot continued to climb.
There may be others I supposed, but I could see a pretty long way below me, and a fair way above me, and there was nothing in sight. It was a surprise to me that I felt that this was as it should be. My whole life I had been surrounded by noise, and people, and responsibilities. The 6 younger siblings I had cared for when the alcohol damaged our mother. An endless stream of friends and acquaintances, for whom I always seemed to end up as designated support person. Customers at work, wanting more than they asked for, for less than it cost.
I realised I had not stopped and listened to myself in years, and now I was, all I was saying was ‘keep going up’.
Presently I began to talk out loud, just to make sure that I didn’t forget how, and arrive at whatever was at the top of this as a crazy mute. I told myself my own life story, and I found that in this place, outside of time and physical restrictions I could remember it all. It was a lot less visual than it flashing before my eyes, but I’d always preferred the book to the movie anyway.
As I neared the end of the story, the mundane last few days before the accident, I noticed that the stairs had begun to change. The material that they were made of was slightly rougher, less even under the soles of my feet. It looked hand cut. I paused and bent to feel it. Not quite stone and not quite wood, it felt cool to the touch. And peaceful, if it was possible for an inanimate object to be peaceful. Pleasing? The correct description was not forthcoming, but it made me want to continue on, laying my bare feet on the beautiful construction.
I looked ahead, and in the curve above me, I noticed gaps. The previously solid steps became slatted. My heart quickened as I saw movement flitting between those slats.
“I could run?” I said to myself but decided that was pointless. There was no such thing as getting there quicker. I continued to plod.
Some hours, months or decades later, I saw a figure ahead. Waiting on the now entirely slatted stairpath ahead. He smiled as I approached, but said nothing.
“Hello”, I said. “Do you know where this goes?”
“That’s a big question to open with”, he said.
To be honest, I had been rehearsing what I would say for many thousands of steps, so it was slightly chastising to hear my carefully chosen opening questioned.
“It seems pointless to wait to ask”, I said. “Do you know?”
“I know where the stairs go. Yes.”
He led me onward. I stayed silent for fear of any other smiling rebuke. I kept my eyes above, watching the stairs grow more and more rickety above us until eventually, they stopped altogether. We had reached emptiness. I looked at my silent companion in shock.
“It goes nowhere!”
He nodded. “It goes nowhere. At least not yet.” He bent down and levered away a section of the step beneath his feet. “Don’t worry”, he said to my confusion. “It grows back, I’ve found.”
He walked to the end of the staircase and used the material he had prised away to add to the final step.
“I think”, he said, “that the illumination must come from somewhere.” He looked above wistfully. “Maybe I’ll build my way back to her.”
I looked down. The glow of Heaven was no longer visible. And yet it was light all around. I thought about going back to re-join the throng. I didn’t think for long.
“I’m not much of an engineer”, I said. “Can you show me how to help?”
He smiled peacefully and bent down to pull lose another piece of the Stairway to hopefully somewhere beyond Heaven.
“Sure”, he said. “I’d be glad to have some company.”
